Friday night bloos

So I’ve had this day… this shit day.

I’m going to start off by stating categorically I LOVE having short hair. I love it. I’ve had short hair since I was a kid, aside from a few ‘growing’ stints, which I can count on one hand. So, you’d think people would be used to it by now, in this day and age.
You’d think people would stop asking when you’re going to come out, or telling you that ‘You’d look so much NICER with longer hair’

I’m telling you now- I look like a fucking TWAT with long hair. I don’t have to come out, because I am very comfortable with my heterosexuality. It’s my fucking head, and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want with it!

This, my friends, is the beauty of hair… It GROWS!
It even continues to grow once we’re dead.

So stop fucking pressuring me to grow my hair.

I like it.

It’s staying short.
end of story.

I’m also suffering this incredible bout of LonelySickness.

I’ve never had it quiet so bad before. I’ve had to go out and by copious amounts of comfort food. and I just paid $5 for a mango, because I’m desperately wanting summer to arrive. so I’ve got chocolate, strawberry sour straps, M&M cookies, a Mango and diet coke. I also bought a bunch of pretty, happy Daffodils, for the Cancer Council fundraiser.

the bounty- theres also some new tennis balls for Finley and foundation and gel to fix my currently messy head

It’s funny how, you can be surrounded by people so much of the day, and still feel so completely alone.Sometimes, I’d like to be able to just sit on the couch next to someone and not have to talk. Just someone there to ease the loneliness. This probably has a lot to do with how much I’m currently missing James & Matthew, Kristi and Aaron… not to mention all the other lovely people I have back on the Sunshine Coast.
It also was increased by a short conversation with Kevin this evening that went like this
well, Bella, I’m going home for the night
Righto Kev… want me to make you some dinner before you go?”
No thanks darling, I’ll cook at home” pause “If you count heating a pan and sticking some steak in, cooking
At least you turn the pan on- I open a takeaway bag
there was a long pause here, in which I turned some steaks that were cooking, and he stood contemplatively.
I don’t want to live alone, forever, you know?”
yeah I know Kev”
Its always when you settle down to relax, about 9pm, that’s when it hits me hardest… you know, that lonely feeling

I’ve mentioned this before, but I adore Kevin. He’s about 50, an ex-boxer, english. we get on like a house on fire. its marvellous.

in a strange way, it was nice to know someone else is suffering the LonelySickness. because it’s terribly lonely to suffer LonelySickness.



**Update** Aforementioned Mango- possibly the best $5 I’ve spent all winter. Well done, Mexico. I’m impressed.
Just the taste of hot summer days I needed.


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