Today I;

Attended Wendy’s funeral- the service was short, simple and beautiful. very emotional, and with many moving tributes.

Ate 250mL of Homer Hudson chocolate rock icecream, because I was sad after aforementioned funeral.

Packed my backpack for the road trip to Queensland. then unpacked and re-packed. twice.

Cuddled in bed with Finley

Damned my ovaries to heck for causing me so much continual agony

Read, and re-read, and re-read a note from my friend Gabby- I love you darling, and I’m always here for you. Rest In Peace, Dear Paul.

Talked to Shaun, and smiled, as usual.

Listened to David Bowie/Queen/Michael Jackson/Willie Nelson, and heard my Step-Grandfathers voice for the first time, on an old recording of him singing. He had a wonderful voice.

Cried a little, a lot, and then some more.

Wrote this simple post, and then defected to bed.


until tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow…



My True Love


It’s been a while since I got this Tattoo, but it’s still my favourite.

I drew it, Jimmy copied it onto me, and now I have a permanent display on my lower right arm, of just how much I love, adore, and desire Coffee.

I’ve had plenty of people ask about it – mostly ‘Why the fuck did you get a cup of coffee tattooed to your arm?’

My standard answer? ‘Coffee isn’t going to Dump me’

hehehe 🙂

day 14, Phenylephrine, Meltdowns and Bonox

So it’s day 14 of my 21 day stint.

many things have happened – I’m not quiet sure how they link together, but this is how it seems to flow in my mind;

saturday, voted in the federal election, really quiet at work, closed early, went home, ran about with Finley, Jesse, Nicole, Lauchlan and Rachael. it was cold. I got a sniffly nose. changed and picked up some gourmet pizzas for dinner with Dad and Pania. watched a bit of the election vote counting. watched Wolverine. was awesome. received phone call from concord hospital to inform us Pania’s (step grandma) mother had passed away. spoke for a while about her death and cried. watched the rest of the vote counting, till midnight when it was called a night. said goodbye. drove home. got home about half-midnight, curled up in bed. slept okay till 6. woke up exhausted, drained, and with a yucky throat. went to work. started bawling when Elsa asked how I was today. recovered, worked. finished early. home by 4:30. slept for an hour. fed Finley. yelled at Finley. showered and nearly passed out. also used most of the hot water. curled up on top of bed sweating, shaking and fighting the urge to vomit, wrapped in track suit, Skippy, dressing gown, blanket and Finley.  6pm, decided to bravely venture forth to chemist. made it to chemist in one, very shaken, piece. spent 50, broke a bottle of glucozade, and had a near mental breakdown when I couldn’t find the tissues. took near overdose levels of each drug to speed up effects. liver began to complain immediately. managed to get home. drank a cup of bonox. which right now, is the most delicious thing in the whole world. now curled up in bed, heater roaring, blankets galore, waiting for sudafed to kick in and unblock my nose. fuck you phenylephrine. where for art thou, pseudoephedrine? return to me, return!

that’s all in one block, because in my head, this is all related, all mashed into one big, long day.

I can’t do a real post justice, but i figured this might provide some amusement for the time being.

Rest In Peace, Wendy Ronganui.

Happy Scottday


It’s my buddy Scott’s 21st today

and even though I can’t be at his fanfuckingtasticamingbirthdaybarbeque
I wish him the very best for at least another 21 years.

if his liver and lungs hold out that long

Love ya scott, party on bro!

Friday night bloos

So I’ve had this day… this shit day.

I’m going to start off by stating categorically I LOVE having short hair. I love it. I’ve had short hair since I was a kid, aside from a few ‘growing’ stints, which I can count on one hand. So, you’d think people would be used to it by now, in this day and age.
You’d think people would stop asking when you’re going to come out, or telling you that ‘You’d look so much NICER with longer hair’

I’m telling you now- I look like a fucking TWAT with long hair. I don’t have to come out, because I am very comfortable with my heterosexuality. It’s my fucking head, and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want with it!

This, my friends, is the beauty of hair… It GROWS!
It even continues to grow once we’re dead.

So stop fucking pressuring me to grow my hair.

I like it.

It’s staying short.
end of story.

I’m also suffering this incredible bout of LonelySickness.

I’ve never had it quiet so bad before. I’ve had to go out and by copious amounts of comfort food. and I just paid $5 for a mango, because I’m desperately wanting summer to arrive. so I’ve got chocolate, strawberry sour straps, M&M cookies, a Mango and diet coke. I also bought a bunch of pretty, happy Daffodils, for the Cancer Council fundraiser.

the bounty- theres also some new tennis balls for Finley and foundation and gel to fix my currently messy head

It’s funny how, you can be surrounded by people so much of the day, and still feel so completely alone.Sometimes, I’d like to be able to just sit on the couch next to someone and not have to talk. Just someone there to ease the loneliness. This probably has a lot to do with how much I’m currently missing James & Matthew, Kristi and Aaron… not to mention all the other lovely people I have back on the Sunshine Coast.
It also was increased by a short conversation with Kevin this evening that went like this
well, Bella, I’m going home for the night
Righto Kev… want me to make you some dinner before you go?”
No thanks darling, I’ll cook at home” pause “If you count heating a pan and sticking some steak in, cooking
At least you turn the pan on- I open a takeaway bag
there was a long pause here, in which I turned some steaks that were cooking, and he stood contemplatively.
I don’t want to live alone, forever, you know?”
yeah I know Kev”
Its always when you settle down to relax, about 9pm, that’s when it hits me hardest… you know, that lonely feeling

I’ve mentioned this before, but I adore Kevin. He’s about 50, an ex-boxer, english. we get on like a house on fire. its marvellous.

in a strange way, it was nice to know someone else is suffering the LonelySickness. because it’s terribly lonely to suffer LonelySickness.



**Update** Aforementioned Mango- possibly the best $5 I’ve spent all winter. Well done, Mexico. I’m impressed.
Just the taste of hot summer days I needed.

Eeeep :)

Good Morning 🙂

So, it’s no secret that I’m extraordinarily fond of TopGear. Probably a little too much. Last night, I downloaded ‘The Specials’ and had to force myself to bed, because it was too hard to take my focus from Jeremy, James and Richard. I am currently guiltily uploading them to my iPod, so if its quiet at work, I can watch some more… hehe 🙂

Who would have thought, that 3 middle aged, distincly greying men, cocking about and playing with awesomely powerful cars, would provide me with so much entertainment? I can’t pick a favourite guy… well, maybe I can. its definately between James and Richard. James because he’s anal and pedantic and has floppy spaniel hair. Richard because he’s hypo and slightly bogan and has gorgeous eyes. Its like my personality split in two…

See? adorable!

Anyway. Lets move away from my strange crushes on men twenty years older than me. twenty seven in James’ case. thirty in Jeremy’s… -_- I know, it’ odd.

I’ve been doing some work of my mate Herve- a french pastry chef. I adore him, his whole family. And Emma, the barista they employ. when I got my tattoo of the coffee cup, I joked i’d put her name under it. This is how serious my love affair is with coffee, and she makes a brilliant cup 😀

I just wanted to show you a picature of one of Herve’s creations- a Crouquembouche 🙂

mmmm, yummy 🙂

It’s Finally Over!!!

That's me- holding my heart full of enthusiasm and passion, with colours that will paint the world. doubles as a pallette i guess...

Day 29 – What you live for: I live for… well, there are many things.
I live for the eternal quest for knowledge.
For the hope of finding love and complete happiness, enlightenment.
I live for each day, to make each day count – knowing that each new day before me is a blank slate that I can make beautiful.
I’ve got the air in my lungs, a few dollars in my pocket, and a whole heart full of enthusiasm and passion wth which to explore and colour the world…

Day 30 – Ways you believe you have grown over the last 30 days… I haven’t grown. not a millimetre. in height, anyway. possibly my waistline has expanded, but then, my jeans are getting a little baggy, so maybe it’s shrinking.
I know my enthusiasm for writing about myself with these prompts is miniscule, it’s been kind of growing in reverse if you will…

Enough for now 😉 night.

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